


We're Happening

by angelechv



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pack Feels, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 09:49:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2020485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelechv/pseuds/angelechv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Nogitsune stuff, Stiles feels lost. Derek's here to show support, they get closer, they become friends. Feelings get deeper. Things get complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Happening

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first fic so pleaaase, be nice to me. I'm french so i don't know if my english is any good. Please comment to tell me if you like it.

It's not like he knows what's going to happen now. It's all coming off in a blur. Someone else's life passing right through his eyes. He's not hollow. He's not empty but he's not full either. Getting his old self back feels like a trap, like every time he thinks he's himself again, things will go wrong. He doesn't see it in his father's eyes, neither in Scott's but it's there, deep inside of him. The thought, the impression of being someone else. 

Maybe that's what he is now, something needing to be filled up with someone else. 

He's not even sure its him speaking right now, talking to people. To Isaac in front of him. Then, there's Scott and Kira. Lydia whose trying to figure out what she's going to do this summer... Boyd and Erica, speaking quietly in a corner. Stiles is there but he's not there and it's the same every time they have a pack meeting now. Allison is dead and he takes that as his fault. Of course, people will tell him it was the Nogitsune and that he had nothing to do with it. What did Scott say again? « Dont worry, it wasn't your fault, it happened. We have to be strong, you know? And im glad we have you back... ». But is he back, really? Who the fuck knows? He doesn't even know himself.

For this so-called pack meeting, here stands Derek, hands in his pocket, deep in thought. Stiles has been quiet these last few weeks. Nobody asks him why... Except Derek. He's been asking if he was okay, if he had nightmares, if he got any sleep. And of course he does, of course his nights are still filled wtih blood and voices and things he can't even begin to understand... And he tells Derek about it because he's the only one who wants to hear it. It feels good. Weird, but good. Like the two of them becoming friends isn't something strange. For now, they don't really talk when everyone is around. Stiles doesn't participate in debates... There's not a lot going on, not a lot happening between them all. It's not like they didn't have their share but a little something would keep their mind busy, wouldn't make them wonder what's going to come next, what could have gone better. 

\- So... There's no threat, i guess we could even go on a vacation for a while.

That's Isaac talking, making everyone smile a bit. It's little but it's still something. Derek rolls his eyes and it makes Stiles stomach bump in the most disturbing way. For sure, he always had a thing for Derek, no wonder why, the guy is like sex on legs but you know, he will never act upon it... And even with this new friendship they developped, he's practically sure Derek is just trying to look out for the pack, making sure Stiles doesn't become dark and nasty again. All that shit. Yeah, it's more of a practical job, the thing that no one wants to do so Derek does it. He never really liked Stiles anyway so why would that change now? Still, it's nice to have someone to talk to about that weird shit going on in his head. Even his dad can't understand that... But he's been there, making sure the nightmares won't come again...But they're here, every night, Stiles just gets better at hiding them from the Sherrif, it's easier that way, he doesn't need his dad to be worried all over again. 

-Come on, guys, we need to do stuff... Otherwise, we're gonna get bored and something is gonna happen and stuff. Scott, you're the alpha, decide what's best for us. 

All eyes on Scott. What an alpha huh? Right now, he just looks like a sad lost little puppy and he's not in the right place to make decisions, especially after losing Allison. All eyes wander to Derek and he just decides not to aknowledge it. Thing is, Derek was never supposed to be an Alpha and he lost the power after he saved Cora... Therefore, Scott became the true Alpha and all that shit Stiles doesn't even want to think about because it gives him a goddamn headache... Sure, he said Derek was evil and shitty at the Alpha job in the past but he's better. Ironically, now that he's not the Alpha anymore. Better at communicating, at being there for the ones he turned. Stiles is not the only one who noticed it... It just happened. 

-Dont look at me like that... What do you want me to do? We're in my loft. Isn't that enough? 

-Your loft is messy and weird. You're like Batman but just with the broody attitude, not with all the cool shit and the Batmobil. And you lack of an Alfred. 

Stiles surprises himself by talking outloud and everyone stares at him, dumbly. Even Derek who smiles a bit. That's what Stiles does, he makes him smile with his stupid jokes and his witty remarks and frankly, it's been a while since he spoke up in a pack meeting and it feels good. Everyone soon returns to their conversations, letting the moment spread, normality getting back into place. 

*

-I'm not Batman. I'd rather be Spiderman. 

The statement startles him. He's been sitting outside for a few minutes, wondering what he's supposed to do this summer... Maybe find a job or something. Maybe try and figure out what he's gonna do when he goes to college next year, yeah that would be a good thing too. All thoughts disappear as soon as Derek is here though. 

-Spiderman? You kidding me? With these abs and all this muscle mass, you can't be Spiderman. He's a geek. You look like the captain of the lacrosse team, get real for a second. 

-Are you calling me a jock? 

-Maybe. 

-I'm not a jock. I read. 

-Hey, i play on the lacrosse team and i'm a geek, you can be both. 

-You mostly sit on the bench. 

-Touché. 

The smile lingers on his face and he can't even begin to explain it. The fact that Derek is coming to him without any ulterior motive is weird and makes him think about other stuff, makes him hope that the guy likes him, that he's not just annoyed by his presence. Maybe that's stupid and not even true, what does he know about it? He's Stiles after all, the expert at making things unreal... Imagining stuff, his spirit running wild. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he's a virgin, maybe not. Lately he's been trying to figure out if he liked girls or boys. Maybe he likes both. He hasn't made up his mind yet but needless to say, he hasn't kissed a guy yet and he'd like to try, even if that's stupid. He should ask Danny to take them to The Jungle again, that'd be fun, right? That would take his mind off of things. 

Derek looks at him in a weird way, like he can't handle silent Stiles... But silent Stiles is everywhere lately. It's like his ADHD has disappeared somehow... And he knows it hasn't, he just shuts it off, tries to put it deep inside of him and never makes it appear again, The Aderall helps for that. What does anyone know about what he's capable of, huh? Maybe his mouth isn't running wild anymore but his thoughts sure are, especially now, with Derek this close. 

-So... What do you think the pack should do this summer? 

-You were the alpha, isn't it a question for you and not for me? 

-Yeah, but usually you always have an opinion to express.

-Not this time. I'm not really good at knowing what werewolves wanna do. Maybe roll around in the mud ? You can't really take them to the Mickey house club or anything so i dont know. 

All of what Derek wants is taking care of them. Stiles knows that. He's aware of that and he doesn't have a clue how to make him realize that he could take decisions on his own, since Scott doesn't seem to be too good at it... And that's normal, he's just a kid, just like Stiles, while Derek is more of an adult than any of them. Sure, he's a fucked up one but he's still more mature, more experienced and he knows plenty about werewolves since he grew up in a pack, that just seems legitimate, right? 

-You should rebuild the house.

He blurts it out without thinking about it and doesn't even realize what he said until he hears himself say it. Damn it. That wasn't so difficult, right? He can't read the look on Derek's face. He's not angry, he's not anything.. And that freaks Stiles out. Maybe he crossed a line there and maybe Derek is gonna go back to his broody and dangerous self, bury himself deep in the woods and never will be heard of again. The thought makes him wanna tear his insides out. Why? He doesn't even know. It just does, like a big rock falling deep into his stomach, scared of seeing Derek running away from the pack, from him. 

-What good would it do? 

-Well... For one, it would make you look like less of a creep, hanging out in a burned house, thank god you're not sleeping there anymore and … I don't know. It would give the pack a purpose, keep everyone busy. Make everyone less miserable. What do you want me to say? I don't know. I think it would be good for you too... To … Let go of the past. 

Derek stares right into his eyes and Stiles can't escape the feeling, its like he's hypnotized by these shades of green and gray. It makes his stomach flutter and he hopes Derek doesnt smell anything, doesn't know how he feels or that would be embarassing. That's one thing to find Derek hot, it probably happens to him all the time, that's another to have him known other stuff... Stuff Stiles can't even figure out himself. 

-You know, i can't even begin to understand why i ever found you dumb... Youre pretty smart. 

The atmosphere gets lighter all of a sudden and Stiles shoves Derek who laughs his ass off. It feels good. It feels normal. He knows it's just a phase, he knows he shouldn't get butterflies like a fucking highschool girl but guess what? He does. 

*

-Stiles? I'm going to work. You going out tonight? 

-No, Dad, i'll be fine. Watching TV. Catching up on Breaking Bad. I'm doing some binge watching right now so don't worry about me, i'll probably still be there when you get back around 6am if i watch the entire season. 

-You should sleep, you know, kiddo.

-And you should eat vegetables. 

That earns him a sigh and a smile. 

-Okay... Try at least, okay? For me? 

-I'll try, Dad, i promise. Go to work, come on. 

-Okay, see ya, kiddo. 

He hears his dad leave and takes a bite of his pizza, staring at the screen, staring at Walter White trying to explain to Jesse Pinkman how to make crystal meth. This show is addictive. Stiles is still watching it at 1am and doesn't hear his windown open, too focused on what's happening in front of him, tension in his shoulders. He doesn't hear or see Derek in his room, too engrossed in whats going on in front of his eyes. 

-Sorry to disturb you I... 

-WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?

The sudden appareance makes him fall from his bed. All in his glorious appareance : underwears and pizza all over him. And of course, it makes Derek laugh. 

-What the fuck is your problem? Jesus, warn a guy. I hate when you sneak up on me like that. What's going on anyway? Is everything okay?

Derek looks shy all of a sudden and that's a weird look on him. Weird but nice anyway. Stiles doesn't even want to think about that but he does. He bites his lip and blushes because he's just in his underwear and Derek looks good tonight. Not that he doesn't look good on a regular basis but even more so tonight. 

-What are you doing?

-Watching Breaking bad... And eating pizza.

-Can i … Can i stay? 

-You like Breaking Bad? 

-Yeah, it's pretty cool. 

Stiles doesn't answer him, just stares dumbly at the werewolf in front of him and scoots over to the bed, makes Derek sit in the free spot. He would be lying if he doesn't get his panties in a twist because their legs touch from time to time. Derek stays with him until his dad comes home, Stiles falls asleep after that. Who would have thought the guy was watching TV shows, huh? 

*

Music is loud, people are annoying. He doesn't even know what the fuck he's doing here... He's not supposed to be here and asking Danny to take him to the Jungle was a stupid idea. Even more when Danny told the pack and they all decided to tag along. Great, and now he's stuck with everyone and he doesn't dare try and talk to anyone because he doesn't want to find out if he likes guys in front of all of these people. It feels weird. And Derek is looking at him. Hasn't talked to him all night and he doesn't know why. 

Maybe he shouldn't be here. And the feeling is still there. The feeling of not belonging, of not being himself because he doesn't enjoy loud places like this with shitty music. Maybe he's not as okay as he thought... They're rebuilding the house but there's something else. He needs something and he can't figure out what and it's making him crazy. 

And Derek is looking at him. 

It's like they're back to the beginning of things, when Derek used to roll his eyes everytime Stiles opened his mouth and he doesn't understand why because they ate dinner together last night when Stiles' dad told him he was going to work. He sent a text to Derek to tell him to come over, watch Game of Thrones if he was up to it. This has been good.

And now they're here and things are awkward. 

-So... Is this sit taken? Or can i... ?

The voice startles him and he turns his head so fast he doesn't even register doing it. There's a guy in front of him. Dark eyes, brown hair, full lips. He's cute, really. A little older than Stiles maybe. But they're in a gay bar, and this guy is looking at him so intensly that Stiles doesn't even know what to say. Nobody looks at him like that. Not usually anyway. 

-I huh... No. No one is sitting there. You can sit here. I guess. 

-Can i buy you a drink?

-Sure. 

Who turns down a free drink anyway? Certainly not him. And certainly not when you're not legal to drink alcoohol yet, but the guy doesn't seem to notice that. He hands him some kind of cocktail which tastes weird but Stiles doesn't say anything because it would be good, it would be great for him to get drunk so he forgets why he wanted to come here in the first place. Why everyone is having fun and he's just here, feeling miserable and lonely. And this guy is looking at him like he's gonna eat him up. It should excite him but it doesn't, it makes him feel uneasy. 

-So.. Do you come here often?

-No, actually. I'm not used to … I dont really dance that well. Or I don't know.

-Wanna dance with me? 

The guy comes closer and Stiles doesn't know what to do. In fact, he doesn't even have to think about it because he's yanked away by a strong hand on his arm, it hurts him and he's in the crowd all of a sudden, facing an angry Derek, whose looking at him like he can't figure out what to say next. Stiles spilled the drink he was holding all over himself and that's all Derek's fault. The fault of that motherfucker who makes him feel like he's on a rollercoaster because of his damn mood swings. 

-What did you do that for? That guy was talking to him and now i'm all fucking wet and i just... I wanna get out of here. 

-I thought you needed help you smelled... 

-So you smell me now? Come on, Derek, i'm not some helpless asshole, you don't have to save me. 

-Yeah but you didn't want him to get closer and i just thought i could help and...

-Yeah, well you didn't help. You just made it worse. 

He doesn't even know what makes him say that, but he just does. It makes him feel bad even because the look on Derek's face seem to shatter a little, like Stiles punched him in the face but it's much deeper because he wouldn't even move or bruise if Stiles hit him. Stiles doesnt understand what's going on until Derek is gone. 

Fucking great. Just what he needed. 

 

-Could you pass me the hammer? Scott? Are you even listening to me?

Scott's head is turned away, he's not looking at him, watching something on the downside of the house. Stiles peeks up his head and sees Derek. Barechest. Cutting some wood or some shit. Damn, if it isn't one of his wildest fantasies. But why is Scott looking at him though? He never liked dudes. At least, not that Stiles recalls.

-You know he does that because he's pissed?

-You know he can hear you right? 

-I dont care if he hears me but you two need to figure your shit out, because this little game is getting old.

-Scott just...

-What? You know i'm right, man. 

-Maybe, doesn't mean i want you to be a smartass about it okay? Jeez. 

Stiles looks at Derek, sighs another time and decides to do something. Make a move. They haven't talked for about two weeks now and it's getting old like Scott is saying. It's too deep, too fucking annoying to get bored just because Derek Hale isn't hanging around. Who would have thought? Certainly not Stiles. They hated each other and now he can't even imagine his existence without Derek. Ironic, some would say. Or maybe it's just fate. Maybe it's just his own stupidity : getting so hang up over a guy who treats him as a kid. Yeah, good idea. He sees him as nothing but his little brother, Stiles is pretty sure about that and Scott can say whatever he wants, they wont be anything but friends. That's permanent and Stiles has to learn to be okay with that. Nothing will change that. Not the fucking Nogitsune, not Stiles growing old. Nothing. If it makes him feel like shit it's just normal, teenage heart being crushed... It happens all the time, right? And to all the good people. 

-Are you gonna say something or are you gonna stare at me? 

He doesn't even realize the fact that he's in front of Derek until he hears his voice. It's his voice that does it, usually. He likes hearing it, it makes him feel safe, like there's such a deep feeling in his chest. Protection, happiness. Stiles didn't even know it was possible, to feel good just by hearing someone talk. That must sound silly to some people. His eyes meet Dereks and he smiles a bit. 

-Maybe i'm going to stare at you until you start talking to me... Which you already did so there's no use for me to do that. You're a good boy haha. Okay don't hit me. Just... Are you okay?

-I'm fine, Stiles. 

-Why are you avoiding me then? 

-Im not avoiding you i'm just trying to... Put some space between us. 

-Huh... Care to explain why? 

-I don't know... Maybe because you need to make acquaintances and find other friends. Friends your own age. 

-That's fucking funny coming from the guy who turned a bunch of teenagers into werewolves. 

-Well, look how that turned out. Exactly my point.

Stiles stays silent for a while, looks at Derek. Betrayal. That's what he feels now. Not the deep warm feeling that usually settles down when the two of them talk, it's different this time. It's Derek trying to push him away and Stiles not knowing why. He should have known that hanging out with a teenager would get old for Derek eventually, Stiles wasn't aware it would be so soon though. What an idiot, huh? Yeah, that's what he thinks of himself, most of the time. What an idiot you are for thinking he gives a shit about you. 

-Yeah. Maybe I should find other friends then.

-Maybe you should. Doesn't mean we can't see each other. 

-Whatever, Derek. I got it. 

He doesn't look back when he turns on his heels. He shouldn't bother coming here to hear this kind of bullshit and to realize he's a fool. 

 

*

Stiles looks into the guy's eyes as his lips come closer and suddenly they're on his. They're soft, the kiss is not rough, it doesn't feel wrong either but it doesn't feel that much right. Stiles goes along with it because he has nothing else to do, because he hasn't kissed a lot of people before and this guy looks like he's into him so why not? It's not like Stiles has anyone to answer for, it's not like the someone he wants really desires him anyway or ever will. The thought makes him laugh. The thought of Derek Hale wanting him but he kisses the guy again anyway, lets him puts his hands under his shirt, caress the skin there. He lets their bodies thrive against each other, moans a bit because he can't deny it, it feels good. The blue-eyed guy smiles at him, Stiles in his lap, interrupts the making out session they're having. His name is Alex and they've gone out a few times, nothing serious. He's cool, funny and hot even but Stiles doesn't even get into it. They're at Alex's place because he's older, like 23 years old or something, Stiles didn't even tell Scott about him because he doesnt think it's important, it just takes his mind off of things.

-Hey handsome, where did you wander off? 

-Hum sorry i just... Maybe i should go home. 

-Hey... Did i do anything to make you feel uncomfortable? 

The worst part is : Alex is a good guy. He's not even an asshole whose trying to force something onto Stiles... Stile's the problem. Always his longing crush on that stupid almost thirty years old werewolf but he can't tell Alex that. He can't lead him on either because that would be cruel. Stiles isn't cruel. He doesn't do this on purpose... He'd love to be into Alex but he's just not. The feeling is not there, as much as he wants it to be. It's funny how a few months before, he would have jumped on the occasion to lose his virginity, to anyone who would want it and now, it's just not the same. 

-No,... It's not you. You're great actually but... I guess we need to talk. 

If he listened to himself, he'd stay with Alex because he's a good choice. A smart guy who goes to Berkeley, who studies psychology. Berkeley is where Stiles wanna go too, still one year of highschool and if he's accepted, he'll go there. Not too far from Beacon Hills but still, a big change in his life. 

-Well... Can't say i didnt see that one coming.

-What do you mean? 

-It's just... I kinda figured that you were not as into me as i am into you. But that's okay. I mean... I'm not mad at you. I just wished i could have changed things but well, some stuff stay the way they are. 

-I'm sorry... 

-It's okay, Stiles. It's not like we've been going out for years or anything. Better now than too late. 

-I... You need to find someone who deserves you. I wish i could be that but... Maybe i'm too young or some shit.

-Yeah, or maybe you're too hung up on someone else. 

The statement startles him. It's not even said with venom, it's just a fact and it's pretty true. It makes Stiles shiver, how everyone can see it. Maybe his werewolves buddies can even smell his attraction to Derek and it makes him blush out of embarassment. Great, maybe everyone is making fun of him behind his back.

-I should leave... 

-Yeah. Hey Stiles? Don't worry okay? You'll figure it out. 

-Yeah... It was nice, you know. Thanks for... Everything. Drive safe to Berkeley. 

-I will. Hope we'll see each other again, sometime. 

He's clearly doing this the wrong way. That's what he thinks after leaving Alex's place. He shoots in a rock on the sidewalk, drags his hand in his hair. Stiles doesn't cry, he stopped doing it after his mum died but right now, he feels like it could happen. He doesn't though, just keeps on walking until he gets home, safely, sadly. 

 

*

Summer passes by. Slowly. Stiles doesn't see Derek as much as he'd like to but he gets over it, dates a few other guys, never gets past a week, a few dates, a few kisses. Something is keeping him from it and it makes him feel like shit although it shouldn't. He's supposed to enjoy his life. Youth and everything. His friends are doing it. Why can't he? They keep rebuilding the Hale house and it's looking better, they could live here someday. All of them. Like a big happy family or some shit. 

The end of vacations arrives and the pack reunites a few times. Derek comes over at his place, they watch movies and nothing is said between them, nothing meaningful at least. They go out a few times, all together. Stiles doesn't flirt in front of Derek, doesn't do anything except staring at him, expecting something to happen, something that never comes. It makes him wanna laugh bitterly. He gets drunks, dances with Isaac and forgets about it. Isaac and him have gotten closer and he doesn't know why. Maybe it's Allison's death that made him different, maybe Scott spends too much time with Kira for the two of them but he can say that they're friends. They dont despise each other anymore even though Stiles still makes fun of his scarves. Isaac seems to be the only one whose ready to tell to Stile's face that he has an undying crush for Derek. He doesn't exactly remember when it happens but they're sitting on the couch, playing video games when Isaac talks about it, without any warning. 

-You know, you should tell him, that would be better for all of us. 

-What should i tell who? 

-Derek. Your crush. The fact that you wanna bone him and... 

Game over. 

Stile's player dies on the screen while the real Stiles is looking at Isaac who smirks a little. That's what Isaac does all the time anyway, he smirks like he knows a joke no one else heard. Stiles likes that but right now he wants to beat him to death with a stick. 

-What the fuck are you talking about? 

-Please. Werewolf senses here. I can smell your arousal when he gets his shirt off even if i'm not in the room so you know, you don't fool me. And the others are just pretending they don't know. Well, except Erica, that amuses her. 

-What about Derek?

-Well, to me, Derek is blocking out all the facts because he thinks you're off limits.

-Off limits?

-Well yeah, you're young and you know he's damaged … Because of a lot of things. So that's it. 

-Yeah, and he doesn't want me. 

-Wouldn't be so sure about that.

-Would you stop being so mysterious? 

-I'm just saying, you two should figure it out. School is gonna start again, you're not gonna be able to concentrate if he takes off his shirt and … 

That gets him a punch in the head that makes him laugh because he's an asshole like that. Stiles thinks it over, bites his lip and tells him they should start a new game.

Derek can't like him. It's just impossible and even thinking about it should be forbidden. 

 

Apart from dealing with a few witches, another pack and some supernatural stuff, the end of the year is pretty quiet. Christmas passes by, everyone is invited to the McCalls' place and it's cool.

Stiles doesn't make a move. Derek doesn't say anything so things must be good. That staying apart bullshit even wanders off and eventually, Derek finds his way back to being with Stiles a lot more than during the summer. It makes Stiles feel giddy, happy and he knows he shouldn't but he can't help himself, spending time with Derek is pretty great. 

Time flies by and that's how they all gather for New Years' Eve at Lydia's. The Hale House is almost over but they still need to put up some heat and water, furnish it and all those little details.

Lydia's house is huge, Stiles has been there before but there's less people in here because she invited the pack. Kinda hard to keep having a lot of friends when you're not hanging out with the popular ones anymore. Lydia doesn't seem bothered by it. She likes it better, she doesn't say but it clearly shows... Or she wouldn't have invited them, right? 

He's smoking a cigarette on one of the long chairs besides the swimming pool. He smokes from time to time. Not because he really likes it but because it makes him feel good. Maybe he's seen too many movies with people holding cigarettes, who the fuck knows? He just buys a pack from time to time and smokes it all away. His dad wouldn't like that but he doesn't really care because what his dad doesn't know cannot hurt him. 

-You know, I didn't take you for the smokers type.

Derek's voice fills the silent night. It's almost midnight and everyone is inside. Stiles is only there because he has no one to kiss at midnight and he doesn't wanna watch that, makes him feel lonely. Of course, Derek has to be the one to break his forteresse of solitude. Derek doesn't have anyone to kiss either but Stiles bets he doesn't give a shit about that. Not like Stiles. Not when the guy you want to kiss is standing right in front of you. God, he's pathetic.

-Well, guess i'm full of surprises, haha. 

-Never said you weren't. 

-What do you want, sourwolf? 

-I dont know. Just wanted to keep you company. I know you're escaping the midnight kiss too.

-Well, i don't really give a shit about this tradition. And i'm a lonewolf, just like you haha. Come on, don't spoil my fun, i'm already all by myself, you can be nice to me from time to time it wont kill you, Der. 

-Yeah... Well you could have someone to kiss.

That does capture his attention for a bit. 

-What do you mean?

-You know what i mean. When we go out, there's a lot of people making eyes at you. And don't think i didn't smell people on you this summer. So... Why don't you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? 

-Maybe because i don't want one. Maybe because i can't have the people iwant. 

He doesn't look at Derek's face. There's nothing to see anyway. It's just a friendly conversation, Derek worrying about Stiles getting his life together and it's normal after all, maybe he doesn't want anyone to be lonely like him. Or at least tht's what Stiles assumes. Derek won't let someone love him. Who can blame him for that? It all turns to shit everytime he tries but sometimes, Stiles wishes he could make him see that it could be possible... Unfortunately, he's pretty sure Derek Hale is not interested in what a 18 years old kid has to offer him. 

He feels a hand resting on his chin and Derek forces him to look into his eyes. They're this deep shade of grey and green that he loves. It's a strange gesture but it's sweet, composed. Derek is smiling at him and Stiles doesn't even know why. It's kinda rare to see Derek smiles, he only reserves it for rare occasions, like he wants to tell a joke but can't get it out. This time, it's more fond than anything else and Stiles doesn't know what to do with that. 

He hears the cheering of the pack inside Lydia's house but he doesn't really pay attention, it's like a soundtrack to what's happening now. 

Midnight. 

He doesn't have time to think before Derek puts his lips on his and he forgets about what's going on. He lets his cigarette fall on the cement and lets himself be kissed, responding after a few seconds, stunned. Derek's lips are soft, the kiss isn't rough or unsure, it just fulfills Stiles and he doesnt know how that's possible. Stiles lets his hands caress Derek's hairline, deepening the kiss, feeling their tongues making slow circles, the kiss getting deeper. Derek braces his hand on the long chair, putting his body closer to Stiles'. Intensity doesn't even begin to describe what he feels right now, his limbs are on fire, making him want to crawl inside of Derek, take his clothes off and let him touch every part of his body. It could have lasted ten seconds to one hour, he doesn't know or care. Derek smiles again, stands back, traces Stile's lips with his finger, eyes focused on his face. 

-Happy New Year, Stiles. 

And with that, he's back inside Lydia's house, leaving a breathless Stiles wondering what the fuck just happened. 

 

*

Things go quiet for a while. How to behave? What to talk about? He doesn't have to think about because january means studying for exams that are coming, hanging out with his friends. Of course, he sees Derek and they act normal. They act as if they didn't share a kiss at New Years' eve and he's not sure whether he should be relieved or sad. He's not anything, truth be told. He doesnt know what to do so he goes to the Jungle with Danny from time to time, he kisses some guy and he's not sure hes hallucinating or not when he comes to the pack meeting the day after and notices Derek giving him side glances. Like he knows what Stiles did last night. That sounds creepy but he heard that werewolf senses were pretty sensitive so maybe it's true. Why should he give a fuck anyway? Derek probably did that out of pity for him because Stiles didnt have anyone to kiss at midnight and he'd like to stop overthinking it but it's stronger than him. Hes sitting in the yard of his house, daydreaming, when Lydia comes, unannouced. 

-You need to do something.

-What do you mean do something?

-I don't know. About you and Derek, because it's getting old and they asked me to be the messenger because we're close, you and I.

-Oh yeah? Since when?

-Dont be a dick, you know we are. We're the smartest people in the pack so we have to be friends otherwise everything will go badly. They have bad plans, you're aware of that. Anyway, you and Derek need to happen, like yesterday.

-Look, Lydia, first of all you come in uninvited and...

-Your dad let me in.

-Maybe but that's rude. Secondly, i don't need advices, Derek and i are just fine, and we're friends, i don't know where you got that idea but... 

-I saw you two at New Year's Eve. 

-What? 

-Yeah. Dont make a big deal out of it. We all knew it was coming, i just dont understand why you two keep acting like the sexual tension isn't out there.

-Because we're not going to be together okay? And that's final.

-If you say so, but do something, tell him or i don't know because he's miserable and its annoying. 

-Fine. Whatever. 

 

*

He doesn't remember who suggests they go on a camping trip but soon, everyone is convinced it's a good idea for pack bonding and all this shit. Of course, Stiles follows. He doesn't take a peek at Derek to see if he agrees or not. He probably has a book hidden on how to be a good wolf dad and agrees with the idea. Must be Isaac's idea, he loves the idea of having a big family. They all come from fucked up ones or non-existent ones so they're kinda happy to have something else, something that looks like a family. A pack. Yeah, that's what everyone calls it and Stiles has to admitt he wouldn't know what to do without them. He was used to having no one, just Scott & his dad and now, he has this. They all have this so he doesn't complain. He puts some stuff and a part of the pack in his jeep, grins when they put on some shitty music and his smile gets wider when they arrive to a place near a lake. Derek picked it, because he's good at knowing where to go when nature calls, probably a wolf thing... That makes Stiles heart ache to think maybe he used to come here with his whole family. Still nice to know he has them now. Sure, they're not his mum or his sister, but they're something else, something new that washes away the past, makes Derek smile a bit, makes him less of a desperate loner, less of a freak. They're all weird to begin with, some of them just got better at hiding it. And now, they're all here, all together and it feels good. 

Sun hasnt set yet and all of the others are in the water already, splashing water into each other's face while Derek and Stiles unload the Jeep. They didn't bring the Camaro, obviously... Stiles isnt even sure Derek would let one of them near it, well except him but just because he has to. That makes him smile a bit. They unload in silence but he can feel Derek's gaze on him. They finish quickly and he feels a warm hand on the small of his back. That doesnt make him tense like he expects it. It feels good, like Derek's hand belongs here, it makes him believe that it's not just friendly between them, that there's something else but again, maybe it's just his imagination.

-Is this okay?

-What? Your hand? Yeah. It's hum... It's cool actually. 

-Don't you wanna go and swim with them? 

-Later. I just... Like being here. With you. For now. 

Hes usually more talkative than that but its like Derek makes him forget how to speak. He can't stop but concentrate on the hand he feels and he comes closer to Dereks side, watching the trees, the water. Everything feels so peaceful it almost hurts, its like something is waiting for them, like it always does. He hopeS Derek won't shove him away, won't realize he's pratically hugging Stiles. But no, he doesn't, if anything he just draws him closer and Stiles breathes in the scent that is all Derek. He feels pathetic because he tries not to let himself hope, not to let himself believe that Derek does that because he cares. Of course he cares, but not like he's interested in Stiles, no. Why would he after all? 

-Do you wanna take a walk?  
-Through the woods you mean? Huh... Isn't the sun settling?  
-Stiles... Im here and i'm a werewolf, it's not like anything is gonna happen to you.  
-Well that depends. Can a werewolf beat a bear? Because i dont think so, mister so don't try to tell me that...  
-Are you coming or what?  
-Yeah. Okay. Sure. But if something happens, you'll have to survive and explain to my dad that it's your fault.  
-I won't let anything happen to you, dumbass.

It's said fondly and it sounds sincere which takes Stiles off his guard, makes him smile and blush like the stupid teenager he is. He knows he has to stop this everlonging crush on Derek but he can't. IT's like it's against his will and besides, it's not that easy to get over someone when you're always hanging out with him. He doesn't have the willpower to leave the pack, to leave his friends. He can't do that. So he just pines and hopes Derek doesn't notice the way his heart skips a beat when he takes his hand while they walk through the trees. 

They stop after a while. Derek probably knows where he is, he doesn't even look when he's walking, knowing the way to go. That gives Stiles a confirmation about him coming here before. They're still holding hands and they stopped at a spot where there is less trees but a lot of rocks, and a little river in the middle. Derek lets go of his hand and starts to undress. Stiles cant stop staring at him while hes in nothing but his boxers. Damn. The world is so unfair. 

-Are you going to keep your clothes on or are you gonna undress and come with me?

He doesnt answer but the statement makes him shiver. He knows Derek doesnt do it on purpose or maybe hes just playing and hes the biggest tease on earth, who the hell knows? Stiles undresses quickly, trying to avoid Dereks gaze on him that makes him feel nervous. The whole forrest is silent and they're alone. Stiles doesn't know why Derek bringed him here and he'd like to but that feeling in his chest can't stop appearing. He shuts his mouth for once and he just follows Derek into the river. They don't speak for a while but then Derek comes closer, trapping him against his body, putting his hand on either side of his hips and Stiles feels like he can't breathe. It's not a panic attack, not yet. It's just the rush of everything else. Dereks' skin against his and now, he's sure there's nothing friendly about this behaviour.

-You probably wonder why i bringed you here. Why we haven't talked about our kiss at new year's eve.  
-Well... Yeah. Just never thought you'd get me alone here and start talking about it on your own. Or are you planning on murdering me after our little chat? Because i heard drowning is an awful death. 

That earns him a little smile and he feels Derek's right hand tracing his hipbone under the water. If he wants Stiles to focuse on anything, he's gonna have to stop that. Like right now.

-I used to come here... When i was younger. With the whole pack. And here... We found this particular spot in the woods with Laura, that was our secret. Our parents probably knew where we were but they never came. They just let us be stupid and … Everything. I thought i'd take you here because it means something to me and because, we need to talk. Like seriously.

-Okay. We can talk. As well as other stuff. 

-Stiles... I... You probably know that im attracted to you by now but... We can't do what we're doing. I can't offer you what you want.

-what do you mean?

-I mean... You can't be mated to me. You have to live your life and just... You can't stay in Beacon Hills alright? 

-And you decided that on your own? Because i don't remember having a say in that or maybe i have amnesia or something. 

-You... Youre too young okay? This feels nice. You and i. And if i listened to myself, i'd probably do a lot of stuff to youand i'd keep you here forever but... We can't start that when you're going to university next year.

-I could go near Beacon Hills.

-Yeah and you could go to Harvard or even to Yale. Don't lie to me. I know how smart you are. I won't keep you here. 

-I didn't... We didn't even start anything.

-That's why i don't want us to start anything right now. I'm setting things straight. 

That makes his heart stop for a bit and he knows Derek can feel it. He doesn't try to let go, he doesn't try to get away from Derek's grip because he's weak and the way Derek's hands feel on his skin is amazing. Can't beat the fact that he knows Derek has made a decision and that he can't do anything about it. It's Derek after all, right? And maybe he's just letting him down easy because he knows Stiles feelings are stronger than his. It's still something that the guy wants him, right? That he thinks he's hot. He should feel better about that but he doesn't. Just makes him feel like shit. He takes a deep breath and looks into Derek's eyes. His incredible eyes that could make Stiles ramble like a romantic pathetic novel. He hates feeling like such a sap but that's what Derek does to him. Highschool crush probably. Yeah, that must be it. 

-So... Does that mean that nothing will happen? Because... Something could happen.

-Like what?

-I want you to … I want you to be my first. 

He doesn't hesitate after saying it, he doesn't avoid Derek staring at him and he feels the werewolf's hand moving lower on his skin. That takes his breath away, again, because he's pathetic like that. 

-I don't want to hurt you, Stiles.

-I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend, i just want you to take my virginity because I trust you and because I want you too. You're right, I'll go to college after that... I... Just... I'm not gonna beg you okay? If you want it, tell me. If you don't, i won't bother you again. 

Derek takes a while to answer and he finally lowers his head and kisses Stiles' mouth. It's sweet, not bitter, not disgusting like it can be with other guys, not filling filthy after doing it. It just feels right. Like Stiles waited for it his whole life and that also sounds like he read Twilight too much but he doesn't give a shit. He knows this night is probably the only one he'll get and while Derek puts him on the grass, gets the last pieces of clothing out of the way, when their damp skins touch each other and when he cant do anything but gasp Derek's name, feel the pain in his body but the pleasure at the same time, Stiles knows he made the right choice. Maybe the morning will hurt but he'll have that memory, he'll have Derek for now and that feels better than anything else. 

* 

He can say he had worse. Nightmares. Nogitsune problems. Killing people and everything. He can't say that life at Berkeley is bad because it would be lying but it's not a hundred per cent magnificient either. For one, he misses Beacon Hills, his dad, everything... Although, he's got Lydia here and that's something. Otherwise, he doesn't know how he would be able to cope. Thing is, if Stiles didn't have any success with girls or guys in highschool, it changes once he goes to college. Maybe because he's more sure of himself, maybe because he lost his virginity in the summer and he doesn't even want to think about having feelings ever again. That bleeds through his pores, his mouth, through his every thought and the broody, werewolf asshole who makes him feel this way is far away. Well okay, not that far away but still.

-You know, you're kind of a slut when you come to think about it. Like... Living the college life and everything.

Lydia's voice startles him out of his thoughts, he just got out of the shower and she's standing here, in his dorm. They don't room together but she's always around and his roomate probably thinks they're banging. There was a time when Stiles would have been way over the hill for having Lydia Martin in his room but now things are different. They're friends and they established a long time ago that this longing crush was bullshit because Stiles didn't know her that well back then. And also because he had hopeless dreams. He was a teenager after all.He's not saying he's an adult now but he's grown up. Physically and mentally. That may have to do with the fact that him and all of his friends almost died. One of them died. The thought of Allison makes him shiver because he doesn't like to think about that. Those times are over and he has to accept it right ? 

-Hey, don't insult me. 

-It's not an insult Stiles. It's just that when you compare yourself now and in highschool well you know... Things are different. And i'm not saying that's bad. 

-Yeah. Guess it's not. 

-Any news from the others ?

He bites his lip and tries not to read too much into what she's asking. Of course she's asking about Derek. She knows he keeps in touch with Scott and Isaac mostly. Even Kira after all. He can't deny that. He's simply not sure about what to say. The last time he saw Derek was when he lost his virginity. Got a kiss in the morning and never looked back. It seemed fine with Derek. He didn't come when Stiles left for Berkeley, he didn't try to reach him in one way or another so it probably is the way things were supposed to end. He has a hard time accepting it but you can't always get what you want. Besides, Berkeley has lots of parties, he has tons of homework to do to get his mind off Derek Hale. 

Like anyone could forget about that guy. 

Well, Stiles believes he can and he puts his mind into something, it's hard to get him somewhere else. 

-Not really. Isaac's doing fine. Works as a mechanic in Beacon Hills apparently. He likes it. Scott it as community college, you know, still wants to be a veterinarian. Want me to tell you something you don't know or what ?

-No, i was wondering about the supernatural part. If they need something from us, they're gonna come and get it. We're the smartest people in this pack.

Pack. The word echoes in his head like a bad dream. He doesn't think about it like that because he doesn't want to have to think about Derek. Lydia considers them pack and he should too. After all, they are, right ? 

-Apparently not. My dad didn't call me to ask me what a witch could do or anything so i guess we'll be fine right ? 

-Yes. I hope we will be. 

They stay silent after that because there's nothing else to say. She tried to make him talk about Derek, she knows about Stiles losing his virginity to him but he closes off everytime she tries to make him confess some stuff. He tries to repress it. He doesnt need to talk about the ache, the fact that he misses Derek like hell and that there's no cure for it. Sometimes though, he'd like to be able to take a potion and never remember his face again .Yeah, that would be great. 

*

-You know, you don't have to stand here like that, you can come in. Plus, it's cold outside. 

The voice doesn't startle him because he's used to it. Used to the rough tone, hanging on the nice one. Derek's voice. He's never been good at showing gentleness. It's just the way he is. Stiles knwos he can be though. He's more than gentle, he's careful, loyal. Everything you could wish for in a guy. He's also proud, stubborn, selfish. You have to think about yourself when you're a lone wolf like Derek Hale... Or at least when you used to be one. It's complicated to look inside his eyes and understand where he comes from. It's a miracle he didn't go mad. Sure, he's rough, he's not good with people btu that tends to be the case when your whole family was burnt alive by your girlfriend at the time. He doesn't trust people easily. Stiles is quite the opposite so he doesn't even knowwhat attracts them towards each other. Maybe the irony of the whole universe. Yeah, probably. Stiles doesn't ask himself his questions because he's scared shitless of what could happen if he did an introspection on himself.

-No, i thought i was going to freeze to death here. You know, it's almost Christmas, even you can be charitable so thanks for the invite. 

He smiles because he can't help himself. It doesn't matter that they didn't see each other for months, that the last thing he remembers is Derek's lips on his own the morning after they slept together. That felt so good he can't begin to regret it. He's never been known to repeat past mistakes but right now, if Derek kissed him and told him to go upstairs, he would, because he's weak in the knees when it comes to the werewolf. Hopefully, the former alpha doesn't know it, or maybe he does but doesn't give a shit. 

-So what are you doing for Christmas ?

-Well, that's actually why i came here... I thought... We could do Christmas here. Everyone who wants to come. My dad, me, Scott, Melissa, Lydia, Isaac, you, etc, etc... I mean, if you're up to it. I know you don't like christmas or parties just...

-Okay. I'm up to it. 

Stiles raises an eyebrow. He's never known Derek to be so easy to convince but he doesn't make a point of asking, too scared the werewolf will close off again. He's not sure what's going on. Maybe Derek's intensive stare makes him nervous. In fact, his whole presence makes him nervous. There's something hanging in the air, stuff unsaid that none of them dare to question. It's better left like that. Stiles is gonna stay here for Christmas vacations and then he's off to his new life after all. He doesn't need Derek Hale interfering with it. If he does, well, don't blame him, he's never been great at relationships. As a matter of fact, he never even had one. College hasn't been full of dates and boyfriends and girlfriends... Just random parties and guys, and girls. Different beds. Same disappointment. That's not his fault. He thought of himself as the guy who could committ but not anymore apparently. He's the one who jumps from one person to another. Looking for something he can't find, searching for whatever's missing. And right now, this whatever seems to be in front of him. But no, he can't think like that because it's never going to happen and that may be complicated but Derek's made it clear. No Stiles in his life. No nothing actually. He shouldn't care but he does. 

-So... I've gotta go back anyway. I'll text you about whose coming or not and don't worry, we'll handle the food alright ? 

-Stiles you can stay a bit you know i'm not...  
-Na... Got some work to do for college so i can enjoy my vacations after that. I'll see you around, Der. 

He takes off because sometimes he's a coward. Sometimes he doesn't want to face him because it hurts too much. Tjhings will get better soon, right ? 

* 

« You have to come right now. It's about Derek. »

The worst is, he doesn't even think about it twice, he just goes, like an asshole because Scott texted him. He drives all the way to Beacon Hills even though it's 8pm and he was supposed to watch an episode of Game of Thrones and go to bed. But no, he goes to Beacon Hills. He's so anxious he doesn't even think about parking properly, just parks the jeep randomly and runs inside Deaton's because he's pretty sure the werewolves have to be down here. The sight that welcomes him makes him shiver. Derek is on the table, unconscious. He's seen this many times but it's just like the time he asked him to cut his arm off. Although, things arent quite the same right ? He doesn't hear Scott or Deaton talking to him, he just goes straight to Derek. White like a fucking cadaver.

-What the fuck happened to him Scott ?

-I don't know. Some fucking witch put a spell on him and just... He's not gonna die. I ean, i hope not... 

-I'm trying to save him, Stiles. You have to trust me. He asked for you and we didn't know if he was gonna make it so i told Scott to call you and... 

-It's okay. I'll stay here. I wanna see if he's okay. I'm not leaving until he is, alright ? 

And he stays. The night is long. Derek groans in agony because his arms are scratched, deeply. The spell that was casted is strong, keeps him from healing quickly. Stiles doesn't even remember staying up all night. Tries to help Deaton the best he can because ther's nothing else to do. When Deaton tells him he can go home to rest, that Derek will be okay, he doesn't give a shit, he just falls asleep right here on a chair, next to Derek. If after that he can still say he doesn't give a shit about Derek Hale, well blame him, he just doesn't want to lose him. 

*

He doesn't feel the hand on his cheek. It's a dream. That's what he tells himself. The hand traces his cheekbones and that tickles him but he doesn't wake up. His position is uncomfortable on the chair but he doesn't give a shit. He just wants to sleep. Forever. He's so tired he's not even sure he's gonna be able to wake up somehow. The hand traces his jaw. Tickles him again. He hears a soft hum in the background that he doesn't recognize. He's scared to open his eyes because he's in a morning blur. What about last night ? Last night... That makes him jump out of his chair, looking right into Dereke's face, which is soft. There's still bruises healing on his face, deep shadows under his eyes but he's smiling. Fondly. That's a strange look on Derek Hale. He looks relaxed, at peace. It's hard to see that expression in someone whose always frowning. Always worried with something. Disapproving. Yeah, that's the Derek Hale he knows but the one whose lying on the table in front of him, he wanna crawls inside him, gets to know him the way he deserves to be known. 

-Take a picture, it lasts longer. 

He didn't realize he was staring. Stiles composes himself rapidly before taking Derek's hand. Nobody said he could but after all, he's been here all night long, he's got the right to some stuff too right ? Yeah, he does. And Derek doesn't say anything, doesn't even flinch,just stares at Stiles, waiting for something ? What ? If he had any clues, he would say. 

-You almost died, you fucking asshole. 

His voice cracks, goes to an edge he didn't even know he could do. He wants to cry but he doesn't wanna break in front of Derek. It's obvious he cares now, too much. It's not like it was the biggest secret of the century but still ,he hates behaving like a weak asshole. He's already weak as a human, why make things more difficult, right ? He has no idea. It's just the way things are. 

-Yeah, but i'm still here, right ? 

-Well you better be if you don't want me to chase you through hell or paradise. Why didn't u tell me about the witch ? 

-I told you... I won't bother you and Lydia unless it's necessary. You two are busy and doing things that are good for you.

-It doesn't mean you have to get almost killed, Derek, for fuck sake. Would you know what... You have no fucking idea how scared i was, ialmost crashed my fucking care on the way here and i kept thinking i... I CANT DEAL WITH THAT OKAY ? I can handle the fact that you're away from me, that we're not a thing, i can deal with the pain but not with you dying you hear me, you dumb fuck ? You're not dying unless i kill you myself.

His outburst is unexpected, even to him. It's his heart, blurting it all out, and he can't help it. It's the way he felt, the fact that he's tired, that he wants to lay down for days and dream about nice things. Dreams where Derek and him are not fighting or avoiding each other on a regular basis.

-I'm sorry... I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to okay ? But i'm here, right ? I'm not dead. Everything's fine. 

Derek looks lost. But when doesn't he ? He can play the big tough werewolf, it doesn't work on Stiles, never has. He's aware of the fact that Derek has no idea what the fuck he's doing because despite everything he went through, he's still a kid. He's nowhere near the sage he wants to be. He makes mistakes, he thinks he's bad for everyone and that makes Stiles wants to kill him, the fact that he doesn't even know he's a good guy. That's kinda sad, right ? And how do u expect Stiles to make him see that ? It has to come from him. 

-Yeah. Everything's fine. Sorry. Maybe i should go.

-Stiles... I didn't say that i'm just... You didn't have to come all the way down here.

-You know what ? Maybe i didn't have to. Maybe i'm fucking stupid because i thought you were gonna die or something because of a vague text from Scott. So yeah, i freaked out. Big deal. Bet you wouldn't have done the same if it was me, right ? Anyway, i've gotta go. I'll see ya.

That's the moment he knows things are gonna be over with Derek eventually. That's the moment he decides that this can't go any longer.

*

Months pass. It's hard. Even harder than before because this time, he doesn't have this hope inside of his chest. Just emptiness eating him alive. He stays in with Lydia. She tries to make him go out to parties, but he doesn't even feel like fucking some stranger just to make himself feel better. If he stays inside and watches every tv show he cant get his hands on, that may make him look desperate but he doesn't give a shit. Scott tries to talk to him. Awkwardly. Because he's Scott and he finds it weird that Stiles likes Derek but still ,he tries. Stiles tells him it's over anyway... Not that it ever really begun. Thing is, everybody cares but Derek... That's what hurt, that's what makes it hard to believe the guy ever gave a shit. 

He meets Spencer randomly. 

It's not like there was some big plan under it, he just saves his ass, thanks to Scott. Spencer is a werewolf too and Stiles wonders if there's a pattern too. He's from another pack in California and has been hurt by some kind of spirit, asks Stiles for help because he heard about him. That makes Stiles laugh. Lydia's and his reputation will go worldwide someday. Helping werewolves gets you somewhere apparently... When you don't get killed that is. 

Spencer smiles at him, flirts a lot. Stiles likes it and it's simple. For once, he doesn't make it complicated... The fact that he knows about the supernatural shit going on makes it easy too because he doesn't have to hide anything. Sex is good too. Spencer is gentle, wild when he has to be and Stiles learns to like it. So yeah, he has a boyfriend, for the first time. He can't say he's in love, because he knows deep down what love feels like and this isn't it. They're doing good though, they go on dates, they take care of each other. Stiles learns not to ask himself too many questions because it always ends bad. He doesn't see his life beginning and ending with Spencer but hey , who knows ? Maybe he'll fall in love with him or with someone else. One can only hope. 

* 

He's aware that werewolves, especially Derek, have a tendency to come unannounced. And maybe he should have seen it coming but again, Derek never seemed to give a shit. 

The night is warm, Spencer and him are going back to the dorm, gropping at each other in the corridor, laughing because that's what you're supposed to be when you're young and have a boyfriend. So yeah, he doesn't think too much about it, lets himself go wild, lets Spencer kiss him and doesn't even notice him opening the door. The kissing stops suddenly though and he ends up on the floor instead of Spencer's arms around him because the werewolf lets him go all of a sudden. 

-Hey, what the fuck ? I thought you had werewolf strenght, asshole, i could have broken my neck and... 

The room is dark but he can still hear the growl on the other side of the room. He doesn't recognize it at first but then the light flickers on and both werewolves are turned, looking at each other, growling like animals. Derek is standing on the other side of the room in a defensive position and Stiles doesn't know what to do with that because he hasn't seen the guy for five months and all of a sudden, he's here, in his space, growling at his boyfriend. There has to be something wrong, right ? 

-Okay, let's stop the ego trip right there. Spence, its okay... This is Derek. He's my alpha, don't worry about him. Derek. Stop that for fuck sake. 

They don't shift back but they stop growling which is a victory to Stiles. After all, who knows what could happen with two werewolves ? He knows those two could rip him and his furnitures apart. Well he's more worried about his furnitures than he his about him, that goes without saying. 

-Stiles. We need to talk.

-Yeah, i forgot, please is overrated around here. Look, can't you just text like a normal person ? 

-It's important. 

-Okay. Fine. Just... Spence... I'm sorry, can we do this later ? 

Spencer gives him an incredulous look because yeah, he ditches his boyfriend for Derek. He shouldn't do that, he should yell at Derek and tell him to leave because he's been feeling like shit because of him all this time but no, he's weak like that. Spence doesn't say anything else and leaves soon after that. He's pissed of course. Stiles will deal with it later. For now, he has a werewolf standing in his dorm, looking pissed too. 

-What the fuck is that all about ? You know, i told you a thousand times but you need to use the door like normal people. What if i had a heart attack someday because of your creeper tendencies huh ? Ever thought about that ?

-Didn't seem to have a heart attack with his tongue down your throat. 

That makes him stand a little bit because who the fuck does he think he is ? That sounds like he's jealous and that makes Stiles laugh. A lot. Like hysterically. Derek stares at him, unamused. He doesn't give a shit. That has got to be the funniest thing he ever said. 

-You're kidding me right ? You're jealous ? Right now... You're jealous ? When you're the one coming into my room and asking... No, demanding stuff that i don't even give a shit about. You've been silent for five fucking months, Derek. Time to wake up. I'm not your fucking servant.

-I... I fucking know that okay ? It's just... It's good. That you have someone. 

-Oh. Is it really ? Is that why you came down here ? To tell me it's good i have a boyfriend ? 

-No. It's not. 

Stiles knows Derek is here for his help, nothing else. Although, he can't help being bitter. It's like its the only interraction they're ever gonna get now and that makes him want to cry like a fucking little girl. He's stupid, and ridiculous. And Derek is ridiculously gorgeous, standing here, like the weight of the world has fallen on its shoulders. As usual, right. 

-Then why ? I don't have that much time to give you, Derek. 

-I didn't mean it. 

-What ?

-I... I didn't mean it. All of what i said. 

-Okay. This is pretty vague, you're gonna have to do better than that because over the years, we've been having a lot of conversations, Derek.

-I... I've been an asshole okay ? I know i've been one. I was scared... And now, you're here... And i had a speech, probably a shitty one but i wanted to tell you but i should have written a letter because i suck at all of this. I just want you to know i didn't mean it. Maybe it's too late but i'm here and i'm saying it. I wanted you. Before and now. I still want you. I need you to know because it's making me go mad. 

He says it like a statement, like he was holding it back for years and Stiles knows he did. Because he's Derek, he's a self loathing prick who thinks he does nothing but makes people's life miserable. Stiles knows it isn't true, knows he's a good guy but that doesn't keep him from being pissed. Doesn't keep him from losing his fucking mind for a minute. 

-You know what, Derek ? Fuck you. Fuck you for coming here now that i have a boyfriend and that you're jealous because you know what ? I'm starting to get over you... And now, you're all, oh yeah, you're here, i notice you Stiles fucking Stilinski when all i've done is treating you like i want to fuck with your head all the time. Fuck you. Why would i care what you have to say ? 

-I don't know, alright ? Maybe because deep down, you know there's still something between us. I didn't ask you to wait for me and i'd understand if you want to stay with that Spencer guy. He seems great. I just wanted to tell you. You don't have to do anything about it. 

-But you do. 

-What ?

-You do. You have to make it up if you ever wanna have a chance with me.

That makes Derek stop. Stile's heart isn't still .Derek can probably hear it, along with the thousands of werewolves living in the United States or some shit. He can't even hear himself think because the words get out on their own. He doesn't have any control over these. 

 

-So... You'll give me a chance then ?

-Well, yeah. You should have learned by now, i'm not even capable of saying no to you and just...

He doesn't have time to finish his sentence that Derek is on him, crushing his mouth against his. Stiles doesn't know how to think anymore and he doesn't want to anyway. The thought of Spencer makes him crumble inside. He has to make this right. This can't start like this. He pushes Derek as much as he can, knowing the werewolf will just allow it... He could easily rape him on the floor without blinking but hey, Derek's not a savage, right ?

-Okay, wait a minute, alright ? We'll do this right. I have to break up with Spence first.

-Yeah. Do that. Do that now and then come back here.

-You serious ?

-Yeah. Dead serious.

-Jesus christ. You're horny haha.

-Shut up.

And after all, that's what their relationship has always been, right ?

*

EPILOGUE

-Do you want me to throw up ?

Stiles doesn't even hear Isaac coming into the room, too wrapped up in Derek's arm, sitting on the counter, letting Derek suck a hickey into his neck, his hands down his pants. Yeah, that's how mornings look like now. No wonder why Isaac can't bear the side of it. That's what mornings look like when Stiles is here on vacations anyway.

-Shut up, Lahey. I know what filthy things you're up to sometimes in your room. We hear weird sounds. Don't start complaining.

-At least i'm not sickenly inl ove like some. It stinks. You two stink. And you suck too.

That makes Stiles laugh. This is easy. In fact, he never thought things would be this easy. Sure, they had a rough patch, they shared bad times, hopeful times, happy times. And now it all ends here. Derek kisses him on the mouth, looks at him in the eye.

-You know, if you keep looking at me like that, i'm gonna start thinking you want to get me pregnant.

-Just eat your breakfast. No sex for you.

-Right. Like you could.

Who would have known things could be so fucking good ? Not Stiles, that's for sure.  


End file.
